Of late, the reflective bug has struck me. I have found myself philosophizing about all manner of things until I am beginning to scare myself. You see, I thought I knew all my split personalities – psychologists suggest that you can have more than two personalities – but apparently, there is another one that is emerging. I am tempted to talk about my alter egos and multiple personalities but let me spare that for another day.
Back to the point, the reflective bug. I have turned into a small philosopher and before this phase wears out, it must surely do because I do not believe in pompous idling in the name of mulling over larger than life issues, you will have to bear with my thoughts.
Recently, I talked to a friend, Simon*, who has been suffering from a life threatening disease. Simon contracted tuberculosis mid last year and for the last nine or so months, he has been undergoing rigorous TB medication. Taking a regiment of drugs every day for nine months is not funny in the least; and when these drugs have all manner of side effects, the situation becomes very trying. In addition, there is the public stigma associated with TB with most people assuming that all TB sufferers are HIV positive.
It is true that most HIV patients eventually end up getting TB as one of the opportunistic diseases that plague them but even in HIV positive patients TB can be cured. Until recently, TB was largely a controlled disease but with the increasing rates of HIV and AIDS, the disease has re-emerged causing worldwide concern. As a result, many people with latent TB, which means they have inactive TB bacteria in their system but which is not causing any harm, are contracting active TB and being infected by the disease. About a third of the world’s population has latent TB according to recent research.
When Simon discovered he had TB, he was terrified but he managed to pull himself together, took his medicine religiously and put in place all the necessary measures to ensure his recovery. He is now on the road to recovery. Contracting TB made Simon rethink his life, priorities and since then, he has been a different man. He now knows that life is short, can change in an instant and that one needs to make the most of every single moment one has as it may be the last.
We have all heard many stories like Simon’s; stories of near death experiences that changed someone’s outlook on life forever, and every time we hear such stories, we are roused within our hearts. The desire to reform ourselves and make the most of our lives burns within us. Alas, if only this feeling were permanent. Soon after, we forget the power of this feeling that stirred us so much and before we know it, we are back to our old selves thinking that we have all the time in the world. We can still afford to play around with the important things in our lives.
This incredible aspect of the human nature to forget even the hardest and most painful lessons that we have learned still amazes me. We perpetually refuse to learn from the experiences of others and not until the tragedy happens to us will we learn and in some instances, we even refuse to learn from our own experiences. So what does it take for us humans to value the gift of life bestowed upon us? A death? A maiming road accident? Getting fired from our jobs? What? I still do not have an answer.
Nevertheless, it is absolutely important that each one of us engages in an introspective journey where we map out the important things to us, bench mark them and then evaluate how close or far we are from them on our life’s journey.
For my part, I have come to realize that it is the things that we think of as simple that end up being of the most important. It is your family that loves you, it is that special someone that can bring a smile on your face at your lowest moment, it is your good health, it is your friends who put up with all the crap that you dish out, it is that you live in a peaceful nation.
Unfortunately, these are the very same things we never give the time of day; we are forever busy at work to have time for our families; we are too busy chasing after the dream life to enjoy the here and now; we are constantly complaining about how fat, thin, short or tall we are to be thankful that we are in good health and not confined to a hospital bed. We are chasing the future and dwelling on the past that we never live the present.
When the time will come for us to stand up and be counted, many of us will realize with sadness and regret that we let our lives pass us by. The big cash, cars and houses that we so determinedly fought to achieve mean nothing; and in our blind pursuit of these things, we pushed away the things and people that really mattered creating a rift that can never be completely sealed.
I thank God for my friend Simon and for the life lessons that he has taught me. I hope I will not forget them until my own experiences give me a cruel reminder. I, like Simon, have decided to prioritize my life focussing on what matters most to me. I can only hope that you will do the same thing before it is too late.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
WOMAN LOOSE THYSELF!
This is a belated tribute to the International Women’s Day which was marked on the 8th March although I am not sure whether some of my readers will think of it as a tribute by the time they get to the final full stop.
March 08 came and went; and I can bet with my life that there was a significant number of people out there, women included, who did not know that it was the International Women’s Day. In fact, I am sure some of you reading this article now are going “Ooooh! You mean? I didn’t know that! What is it all about?”
As I celebrated all the things that come with being a woman; I was struck by one of those reflective moods. On my mind were a number of questions: What defines the 21st century woman? What gains has she made compared to her predecessors? Is she liberated, empowered and able to claim her natural rights? These were not easy questions to answer and so, I decided to do some research, albeit jua kali. I set out to observe today’s woman; how did she conduct herself, how was she portrayed in society, the media and other arenas? The findings of my research left a lot to be desired.
Today’s society, including a good number of women, would have us believe that the 21st century woman has nothing to complain about. She is educated, she is serving in the army, she brings home the bacon and she is driving a top of the range vehicle. As if that is not enough, she holds a parliamentary seat, I mean, for heaven’s sake, she is a government minister, secretary of state of the world’s most powerful nation and a president!
In fact, some people would tell you to shut up if you started saying that today’s woman is still shackled, maybe more than in the past. You would be accused of being a lunatic and probably committed to one of our mental institutions but not before receiving a severe scolding by both men and women.
But is today’s woman really free? Freedom, they say, is the ability to choose your chains. So, let us explore the chains today’s woman has decided to bind herself with, working on the assumption that she is free, as so many 21st century women consider themselves to be. The first voluntary chain that I came across was the chain of behaving like men. There is this branch of feminism, which in my opinion is barking the wrong tree, which believes equality means being equal.
The women who have chosen this chain are out there proving that they can be as badly behaved as the boys. If the boys can down eight martinis, they can down 16; if the boys can talk vulgar, so can they; and who says that a woman cannot engage in as much promiscuous sex as she desires? It is not a preserve of men only; we too can enjoy a tumble in the hay.
The reason I believe that this kind of feminism is a red herring, misplaced and has digressed from the bona fide reason for feminist movements’ formation, is not because I think women should not be allowed to do what they want; no. On the contrary, I feel women have the right to be whatever they want to be. But having said that, there are certain socially deviant behaviours that in my opinion no man or woman should engage in for whatever reason.
And the fact that men have been exhibiting these bad manners for years is no reason for a woman, especially one who considers herself empowered, to ape them in the name of being liberated. That will just not do; if anything, it places the very real and salient issues that feminist all over the world are fighting for in a vulnerable position; with critics using such attitudes to deviate discussion from the real issues. It invites the immature castigation of empowered women as simply women who could not get enough of it and therefore wanted to romp around, who have too much money that they don’t know what to do with it and who should have been born men because they behave as the men. And on that note, equality and equal are definitely not the same thing; but that is a discussion for another day.
Another chain that many women seem to be choosing for themselves or when yoked with it by society, gladly accept it is the chain of a woman as a sex symbol. I don’t need to belabour this point, all one has to do is to watch music videos. This is one place where the battle of the sexes does not exist with both male and female artistes agreeing that women in their videos need to be portrayed as sex objects.
Female artistes gladly emphasize their curvaceous almost nude bodies in their videos, gyrating their hips and revealing enough booty leaving very little to imagination. Their male counterparts on the other hand are in the production of soft pornography with these videos that air day time on our local TV stations showing them in all manner of sexually suggestive situations with their bikini clad women.
I am not attacking female sexuality; heaven knows our sexuality as women has been used against us for a long time as a form of oppression with FGM and prescribed dressing being just but a few examples. However, emphasizing if not forcing society to see us only as sexual objects again beats the purposes of the so many sexual freedoms that today’s woman deserves.
I know I have managed to rile and provoke a good number of women out there to an insane degree, but I have no apologies to make. As long as women continue to throw away their freedom by binding themselves with manacles that they need not have, then such articles will continue being written by me. It is time we truly liberated ourselves as women by wisely choosing our shackles.
March 08 came and went; and I can bet with my life that there was a significant number of people out there, women included, who did not know that it was the International Women’s Day. In fact, I am sure some of you reading this article now are going “Ooooh! You mean? I didn’t know that! What is it all about?”
As I celebrated all the things that come with being a woman; I was struck by one of those reflective moods. On my mind were a number of questions: What defines the 21st century woman? What gains has she made compared to her predecessors? Is she liberated, empowered and able to claim her natural rights? These were not easy questions to answer and so, I decided to do some research, albeit jua kali. I set out to observe today’s woman; how did she conduct herself, how was she portrayed in society, the media and other arenas? The findings of my research left a lot to be desired.
Today’s society, including a good number of women, would have us believe that the 21st century woman has nothing to complain about. She is educated, she is serving in the army, she brings home the bacon and she is driving a top of the range vehicle. As if that is not enough, she holds a parliamentary seat, I mean, for heaven’s sake, she is a government minister, secretary of state of the world’s most powerful nation and a president!
In fact, some people would tell you to shut up if you started saying that today’s woman is still shackled, maybe more than in the past. You would be accused of being a lunatic and probably committed to one of our mental institutions but not before receiving a severe scolding by both men and women.
But is today’s woman really free? Freedom, they say, is the ability to choose your chains. So, let us explore the chains today’s woman has decided to bind herself with, working on the assumption that she is free, as so many 21st century women consider themselves to be. The first voluntary chain that I came across was the chain of behaving like men. There is this branch of feminism, which in my opinion is barking the wrong tree, which believes equality means being equal.
The women who have chosen this chain are out there proving that they can be as badly behaved as the boys. If the boys can down eight martinis, they can down 16; if the boys can talk vulgar, so can they; and who says that a woman cannot engage in as much promiscuous sex as she desires? It is not a preserve of men only; we too can enjoy a tumble in the hay.
The reason I believe that this kind of feminism is a red herring, misplaced and has digressed from the bona fide reason for feminist movements’ formation, is not because I think women should not be allowed to do what they want; no. On the contrary, I feel women have the right to be whatever they want to be. But having said that, there are certain socially deviant behaviours that in my opinion no man or woman should engage in for whatever reason.
And the fact that men have been exhibiting these bad manners for years is no reason for a woman, especially one who considers herself empowered, to ape them in the name of being liberated. That will just not do; if anything, it places the very real and salient issues that feminist all over the world are fighting for in a vulnerable position; with critics using such attitudes to deviate discussion from the real issues. It invites the immature castigation of empowered women as simply women who could not get enough of it and therefore wanted to romp around, who have too much money that they don’t know what to do with it and who should have been born men because they behave as the men. And on that note, equality and equal are definitely not the same thing; but that is a discussion for another day.
Another chain that many women seem to be choosing for themselves or when yoked with it by society, gladly accept it is the chain of a woman as a sex symbol. I don’t need to belabour this point, all one has to do is to watch music videos. This is one place where the battle of the sexes does not exist with both male and female artistes agreeing that women in their videos need to be portrayed as sex objects.
Female artistes gladly emphasize their curvaceous almost nude bodies in their videos, gyrating their hips and revealing enough booty leaving very little to imagination. Their male counterparts on the other hand are in the production of soft pornography with these videos that air day time on our local TV stations showing them in all manner of sexually suggestive situations with their bikini clad women.
I am not attacking female sexuality; heaven knows our sexuality as women has been used against us for a long time as a form of oppression with FGM and prescribed dressing being just but a few examples. However, emphasizing if not forcing society to see us only as sexual objects again beats the purposes of the so many sexual freedoms that today’s woman deserves.
I know I have managed to rile and provoke a good number of women out there to an insane degree, but I have no apologies to make. As long as women continue to throw away their freedom by binding themselves with manacles that they need not have, then such articles will continue being written by me. It is time we truly liberated ourselves as women by wisely choosing our shackles.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
When sorry just won't do!
I have come to learn that there are certain words in our vocabulary that are an exact antonym for what they mean; and they are many. And many things are done and said in the name of actualizing the meanings of such words. ‘Love’ happens to be one such word. Love is supposed to elicit happiness, joy, and excitement but in most cases it brings on broken hearts, sorrow and tears.
But one of the most misused words I have come across in the English language is the word ‘sorry’. The uttering of this word is meant as an apology, an appeasement for some wrong doing by the one who says it and it is hopefully meant to make amends. Unfortunately, for most people ‘am sorry’ has become a very convenient way of avoiding facing up to their responsibilities and the consequences of their actions. It is a means for justifying their actions and for some, it is a weapon for diffusing the wrath of those they have offended.
‘Sorry’ has also been used to play emotional games with the wrong doer saying it to manipulate the plaintiff. People will tell you sorry to put you in a position where you have to forgive them failure to which, you look bad. Sorry rarely constitutes a genuine apology.
It is because of this that I have come up with a checklist for apologies. Before I accept anyone’s apology, they need to meet a few requirements to ensure that they are not taking me for a ride and to determine if they qualify to be forgiven.
Top on this list is the why; the why in an apology helps to determine the reasoning employed by the offender in doing the action that they are now sorry for. If I have been sitting in a restaurant waiting for you and you are an hour late, you shouldn’t expect to come and say you are sorry and expect things to be fine. I don’t so much need your apology like I need to understand what is it that you were doing during that one hour that was so important to keep me waiting for an hour.
Most people like taking short cuts and they simply want to say they are sorry and when you ask them for the reason, they start throwing a tantrum saying they have apologized and if you can’t accept their apology, then there is nothing they can do about it. That does not cut in my books; you must work harder than that.
A genuine apology means a confession. I find it almost impossible to believe an apology that comes after one has been caught red handed. If you catch your husband cheating on you and he starts blubbering and jabbering all manner of apologies on bended knees, does that mean he is sorry? Yes, but sorry that he has been caught not sorry that he was cheating. If he was genuinely sorry about having had a roll in the hay, the guilt would have been gnawing at him so badly that he would have confessed his crimes without you having to catch him first. A true apology means recognizing that what you did is wrong and not needing the threat of a lost marriage or friendship for you to be sorry.
An apology should also constitute restitution. It is not enough for you to say you are sorry; you should show this by trying to make amends where possible. If you have kept someone waiting for you in a restaurant forcing them to take unnecessary drinks or meals as they wait for you, then the least you can do is pay for them. If you have damaged someone’s property, replace it. Restitution is an important part of an apology. Of course, there are some offences for which compensation is not possible but even for those, one can look for other means of easing the magnitude of their crime.
Lastly, a genuine apology should include a firm desire not to repeat the offence. Most people are in law terms repeat offenders. We all have friends who are always sorry for doing the same thing over and over again that we no longer bother with their apologies. Any true apology means one will desist from any other behaviour that is similar to the offensive one.
Now, that is what I call an apology. The next time someone utters those two simple words “am sorry” pause for a moment and have a think about it.
But one of the most misused words I have come across in the English language is the word ‘sorry’. The uttering of this word is meant as an apology, an appeasement for some wrong doing by the one who says it and it is hopefully meant to make amends. Unfortunately, for most people ‘am sorry’ has become a very convenient way of avoiding facing up to their responsibilities and the consequences of their actions. It is a means for justifying their actions and for some, it is a weapon for diffusing the wrath of those they have offended.
‘Sorry’ has also been used to play emotional games with the wrong doer saying it to manipulate the plaintiff. People will tell you sorry to put you in a position where you have to forgive them failure to which, you look bad. Sorry rarely constitutes a genuine apology.
It is because of this that I have come up with a checklist for apologies. Before I accept anyone’s apology, they need to meet a few requirements to ensure that they are not taking me for a ride and to determine if they qualify to be forgiven.
Top on this list is the why; the why in an apology helps to determine the reasoning employed by the offender in doing the action that they are now sorry for. If I have been sitting in a restaurant waiting for you and you are an hour late, you shouldn’t expect to come and say you are sorry and expect things to be fine. I don’t so much need your apology like I need to understand what is it that you were doing during that one hour that was so important to keep me waiting for an hour.
Most people like taking short cuts and they simply want to say they are sorry and when you ask them for the reason, they start throwing a tantrum saying they have apologized and if you can’t accept their apology, then there is nothing they can do about it. That does not cut in my books; you must work harder than that.
A genuine apology means a confession. I find it almost impossible to believe an apology that comes after one has been caught red handed. If you catch your husband cheating on you and he starts blubbering and jabbering all manner of apologies on bended knees, does that mean he is sorry? Yes, but sorry that he has been caught not sorry that he was cheating. If he was genuinely sorry about having had a roll in the hay, the guilt would have been gnawing at him so badly that he would have confessed his crimes without you having to catch him first. A true apology means recognizing that what you did is wrong and not needing the threat of a lost marriage or friendship for you to be sorry.
An apology should also constitute restitution. It is not enough for you to say you are sorry; you should show this by trying to make amends where possible. If you have kept someone waiting for you in a restaurant forcing them to take unnecessary drinks or meals as they wait for you, then the least you can do is pay for them. If you have damaged someone’s property, replace it. Restitution is an important part of an apology. Of course, there are some offences for which compensation is not possible but even for those, one can look for other means of easing the magnitude of their crime.
Lastly, a genuine apology should include a firm desire not to repeat the offence. Most people are in law terms repeat offenders. We all have friends who are always sorry for doing the same thing over and over again that we no longer bother with their apologies. Any true apology means one will desist from any other behaviour that is similar to the offensive one.
Now, that is what I call an apology. The next time someone utters those two simple words “am sorry” pause for a moment and have a think about it.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
When time comes to strangle the boss!
It was a quiet Sunday evening and we had just finished a wonderful dinner and were chatting amicably when our conversation was interrupted by the beeping of a cell phone. My friend, whom I shall call Mark, fished for his phone from where he had thrown it and as he scrolled through the message, I saw his hitherto relaxed face metamorphosise from mild irritation (at seeing the identity of the sender) to consternation (as he read the message) and finally, to an angry outburst. Concerned, we all inquired what was wrong and an angry tirade followed.
Apparently, Mark’s boss, who is a job fanatic, was sending him a text message to remind him about a much dreaded meeting the next day. This he did after having sent them memos on Friday, emails and put up notices just to be sure that they got the message. After joining Mark in cursing his boss who seemed to have nothing better to do than to ruin his employees’ weekends by sending messages about a meeting, we proceeded to discuss the different sorts of bosses.
I want to share with you some of the interesting descriptions of bosses that came up during our discussion. In addition, I think bosses need to hear a few hard facts about some very annoying habits and small things they do that drive their employees up the wall. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that an employee somewhere attempted to strangle his or her boss for I know of many people who have entertained this thought repeatedly. In fact, a friend constantly expresses her great disappointment about solar eclipses being so infrequent. This friend has a fantasy that she would wish to play out gleefully in the event that a solar eclipse did occur. Her fantasy is to corner her boss somewhere outside and give him a few physical lesions. Fortunately for her boss, the solar eclipse is yet to strike.
One would be forgiven for thinking that bosses were never employees and if they were, then they have suffered from permanent amnesia of their days of having to work under someone from the way they treat their staff.
Looking at the various types of bosses, let us start with the ‘sometimes boss.’ This kind of boss is a very temperamental person to work for. This is the type who will come one morning in the office with a spring in their step, go round the office shaking everybody’s hand and asking after their welfare and that of their families on Monday. On Tuesday, the same person will be looking like a thunder cloud with yesterday’s smiles seeming like an illusion that never existed and he will spend the day barking at everybody.
The ‘sometimes boss’ is also the kind of boss who will sit and chat you up; in fact, cracking jokes with you one day and the next day, she pulls ranks and wants to be treated with the status accorded to her position. The problem of dealing with such a boss is that you as the employee are always jittery, uncertain on how to deal with your boss. Employees are therefore forced to develop a hawkish observation of their bosses to be able to read the mood and then act accordingly. Such bosses also turn out to be bad bosses because they give the employee a false sense of friendship and familiarity which might lead to the employee overstepping the boundaries only to be rudely shocked when the boss rebukes them.
Then there is the ‘last minute boss’ and I have listened to the woes of a friend who has such a boss. The last minute boss is one who thinks his job description is to upset your schedule and create pressure. A last minute boss may know of an important board meeting a month in advance but does nothing to prepare for it. On the morning of the meeting, he storms into the office ordering all phones to be unhooked, all staff to stop their work and help him prepare for the meeting. Worse still, this boss may see you spending a night in the office (canceling dates, earlier plans) as you prepare a report which he knew was needed the next day but has only told you about it at 4 pm on the eve of the meeting. Now, that is a boss one would want to strangle.
The ‘idle boss’ is one of the worst kind of bosses that you could possibly have. This kind does not have enough work to do and to kill boredom, will keep on interrupting you to engage in idle chit chat and yet expect you to meet your deadlines. There is also the ‘after hours boss’ which is where I would categorise Mark’s boss. This boss thinks you have nothing better to do with your weekends and free time and will call you up at odd hours to ask you some unimportant office matter or to just brainstorm.
Kenyans are hardworking people and most of them give their fair share of what is required and bosses should know that the last thing their employees want is any one of the kinds of bosses listed above. The temptation to classify my boss is very strong but for the sake of my job security, I will refrain from doing so.
Apparently, Mark’s boss, who is a job fanatic, was sending him a text message to remind him about a much dreaded meeting the next day. This he did after having sent them memos on Friday, emails and put up notices just to be sure that they got the message. After joining Mark in cursing his boss who seemed to have nothing better to do than to ruin his employees’ weekends by sending messages about a meeting, we proceeded to discuss the different sorts of bosses.
I want to share with you some of the interesting descriptions of bosses that came up during our discussion. In addition, I think bosses need to hear a few hard facts about some very annoying habits and small things they do that drive their employees up the wall. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that an employee somewhere attempted to strangle his or her boss for I know of many people who have entertained this thought repeatedly. In fact, a friend constantly expresses her great disappointment about solar eclipses being so infrequent. This friend has a fantasy that she would wish to play out gleefully in the event that a solar eclipse did occur. Her fantasy is to corner her boss somewhere outside and give him a few physical lesions. Fortunately for her boss, the solar eclipse is yet to strike.
One would be forgiven for thinking that bosses were never employees and if they were, then they have suffered from permanent amnesia of their days of having to work under someone from the way they treat their staff.
Looking at the various types of bosses, let us start with the ‘sometimes boss.’ This kind of boss is a very temperamental person to work for. This is the type who will come one morning in the office with a spring in their step, go round the office shaking everybody’s hand and asking after their welfare and that of their families on Monday. On Tuesday, the same person will be looking like a thunder cloud with yesterday’s smiles seeming like an illusion that never existed and he will spend the day barking at everybody.
The ‘sometimes boss’ is also the kind of boss who will sit and chat you up; in fact, cracking jokes with you one day and the next day, she pulls ranks and wants to be treated with the status accorded to her position. The problem of dealing with such a boss is that you as the employee are always jittery, uncertain on how to deal with your boss. Employees are therefore forced to develop a hawkish observation of their bosses to be able to read the mood and then act accordingly. Such bosses also turn out to be bad bosses because they give the employee a false sense of friendship and familiarity which might lead to the employee overstepping the boundaries only to be rudely shocked when the boss rebukes them.
Then there is the ‘last minute boss’ and I have listened to the woes of a friend who has such a boss. The last minute boss is one who thinks his job description is to upset your schedule and create pressure. A last minute boss may know of an important board meeting a month in advance but does nothing to prepare for it. On the morning of the meeting, he storms into the office ordering all phones to be unhooked, all staff to stop their work and help him prepare for the meeting. Worse still, this boss may see you spending a night in the office (canceling dates, earlier plans) as you prepare a report which he knew was needed the next day but has only told you about it at 4 pm on the eve of the meeting. Now, that is a boss one would want to strangle.
The ‘idle boss’ is one of the worst kind of bosses that you could possibly have. This kind does not have enough work to do and to kill boredom, will keep on interrupting you to engage in idle chit chat and yet expect you to meet your deadlines. There is also the ‘after hours boss’ which is where I would categorise Mark’s boss. This boss thinks you have nothing better to do with your weekends and free time and will call you up at odd hours to ask you some unimportant office matter or to just brainstorm.
Kenyans are hardworking people and most of them give their fair share of what is required and bosses should know that the last thing their employees want is any one of the kinds of bosses listed above. The temptation to classify my boss is very strong but for the sake of my job security, I will refrain from doing so.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
STRENGTH OF A WOMAN
Last weekend I witnessed something that convinced me that the idea that there can even be a battle among the sexes is a myth informed by eons of ignorance. The reality is really simple: women are the stronger sex with the men not only falling short but not comparable. In fact, men really should stop their posturing as the stronger sex that is supposed to protect the damsels in distress because really, the strength of a woman is mind blowing.You must be wondering by now what gibberish I am going on about, especially for our dear chauvinists, so let me stop dangling the carrot and give you the actual carrot. I witnessed a delivery of a new born baby. Kate*, my friend, was giving birth and I was given access by the hospital to be with her right from the onset of her labour to the actual delivery. I saw it all.In retrospect, maybe I should not have jumped at the opportunity. What I witnessed in there has left me permanently traumatized and I think I will only have children when scientists find a way to make men get pregnant, carry the baby to full term and give birth with the utmost pain possible. The day this discovery will be made, I will be the first one to run to the streets and capture a husband.As Kate’s husband and I kept her company during the endless hours of labour contractions, and as I watched her writhe in pain, I kept wondering how much more she could endure. Kate is lucky to be blessed with an exceptional gem of a husband; I don’t think there are ten men in the world of his calibre. This man braved his wife’s howls of pain and he was with her right up to the point the baby came out.But unlike Kate, there were many other women in the maternity ward who were not as lucky. I listened to these women letting out heart rending screams of pain with no one to comfort them. They were all alone with their husbands either too cowardly to be with them during that moment; – yet they did not have a problem participating in making the baby – or in some bar drinking with their buddies and bragging about how they were soon to become fathers.Kate was in labour for more than 12 hours before the baby came but if you saw her the next day, you would not believe that she is the same woman who had gone through such a horrible experience.Apart from childbirth, women are constantly faced by many other challenges; there is their monthly menses which is a whole story by itself. During ‘that time of the month’ women are besieged by their own bodies with hormones running amok and with that, fluctuation of emotions strikes and yet, the woman is expected to go on with her daily chores uninterrupted.It is not enough that the woman is the one who gives birth, her irresponsible husband largely abandons the duty of raising the children to her and in some instances, he will completely abscond duty leaving her to fend for her young ones through whatever means possible.There are also the cultural and societal systems that are skewed against the woman with our society being largely a patrilineal one, which basically means the men are allowed to laze about in the pretext of leading while in actual sense the women hold the society together by their hard work and concerted efforts.The woman, especially the African woman, is subjected to loads and loads of setbacks throughout her life but somehow, she is able to prevail. From physical suffering to emotional and psychological suffering that she faces, the woman stands, a strong tower fortified by steel, allowing nothing to stand in her way.A woman is as tender and soft as a feather when her loved ones need her for comfort and strength, and yet, she is an indomitable warrior when they need her protection and she will die to protect them.A man? My vocabulary fails me; I cannot bring forth equally poetic words to describe him. The only pain which he probably goes through is circumcision and that is really a voluntary one time pain that is quickly forgotten. In everything else, society has laid for him a table with the choicest things that life has to offer and yet he does not take what is freely given to him.When the musician Shaggy sang the song Strength of a woman¸ he knew what he was talking about. It is the right of every woman in the world to be loved, cherished but most importantly respected. And as for giving birth, for those men who insist on having zillions of children or possess the Neanderthal thinking of getting a boy despite having four lovely girls, they should zip up unless they will carry the pregnancy for half the time and give birth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)