When time comes to strangle the boss!

It was a quiet Sunday evening and we had just finished a wonderful dinner and were chatting amicably when our conversation was interrupted by the beeping of a cell phone. My friend, whom I shall call Mark, fished for his phone from where he had thrown it and as he scrolled through the message, I saw his hitherto relaxed face metamorphosise from mild irritation (at seeing the identity of the sender) to consternation (as he read the message) and finally, to an angry outburst. Concerned, we all inquired what was wrong and an angry tirade followed.

Apparently, Mark’s boss, who is a job fanatic, was sending him a text message to remind him about a much dreaded meeting the next day. This he did after having sent them memos on Friday, emails and put up notices just to be sure that they got the message. After joining Mark in cursing his boss who seemed to have nothing better to do than to ruin his employees’ weekends by sending messages about a meeting, we proceeded to discuss the different sorts of bosses.

I want to share with you some of the interesting descriptions of bosses that came up during our discussion. In addition, I think bosses need to hear a few hard facts about some very annoying habits and small things they do that drive their employees up the wall. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that an employee somewhere attempted to strangle his or her boss for I know of many people who have entertained this thought repeatedly. In fact, a friend constantly expresses her great disappointment about solar eclipses being so infrequent. This friend has a fantasy that she would wish to play out gleefully in the event that a solar eclipse did occur. Her fantasy is to corner her boss somewhere outside and give him a few physical lesions. Fortunately for her boss, the solar eclipse is yet to strike.

One would be forgiven for thinking that bosses were never employees and if they were, then they have suffered from permanent amnesia of their days of having to work under someone from the way they treat their staff.

Looking at the various types of bosses, let us start with the ‘sometimes boss.’ This kind of boss is a very temperamental person to work for. This is the type who will come one morning in the office with a spring in their step, go round the office shaking everybody’s hand and asking after their welfare and that of their families on Monday. On Tuesday, the same person will be looking like a thunder cloud with yesterday’s smiles seeming like an illusion that never existed and he will spend the day barking at everybody.

The ‘sometimes boss’ is also the kind of boss who will sit and chat you up; in fact, cracking jokes with you one day and the next day, she pulls ranks and wants to be treated with the status accorded to her position. The problem of dealing with such a boss is that you as the employee are always jittery, uncertain on how to deal with your boss. Employees are therefore forced to develop a hawkish observation of their bosses to be able to read the mood and then act accordingly. Such bosses also turn out to be bad bosses because they give the employee a false sense of friendship and familiarity which might lead to the employee overstepping the boundaries only to be rudely shocked when the boss rebukes them.

Then there is the ‘last minute boss’ and I have listened to the woes of a friend who has such a boss. The last minute boss is one who thinks his job description is to upset your schedule and create pressure. A last minute boss may know of an important board meeting a month in advance but does nothing to prepare for it. On the morning of the meeting, he storms into the office ordering all phones to be unhooked, all staff to stop their work and help him prepare for the meeting. Worse still, this boss may see you spending a night in the office (canceling dates, earlier plans) as you prepare a report which he knew was needed the next day but has only told you about it at 4 pm on the eve of the meeting. Now, that is a boss one would want to strangle.

The ‘idle boss’ is one of the worst kind of bosses that you could possibly have. This kind does not have enough work to do and to kill boredom, will keep on interrupting you to engage in idle chit chat and yet expect you to meet your deadlines. There is also the ‘after hours boss’ which is where I would categorise Mark’s boss. This boss thinks you have nothing better to do with your weekends and free time and will call you up at odd hours to ask you some unimportant office matter or to just brainstorm.

Kenyans are hardworking people and most of them give their fair share of what is required and bosses should know that the last thing their employees want is any one of the kinds of bosses listed above. The temptation to classify my boss is very strong but for the sake of my job security, I will refrain from doing so.